How Many Bars Does God Get?

Catholicism is my discredited old friend; atheism is my credible new friend. When one talks trash about the other, I don’t listen.

I can’t believe how tiny that blacktop playground is, where I once watched from the corner as girls played hopscotch and boys played kickball. While I continued to attend Catholic school until three days into my third year at Archbishop Stepinac High School in White Plains, NY, the beginning of the end came during preparation for confirmation, in the third grade at Holy Name of Mary School in Croton-on-Hudson.

He Was Mugging Me, So I Showed Him Amway (True Story)

This belongs in a blog. I posted it to a pre-blog testimonial website dedicated to Amway “horror stories” a while ago. Enjoy.

Dear Mr. Schwarz;

From a past close encounter with Amway, I knew the topic would make a good Web site — and yours is better than what I had in mind. I thank you for it.

I’d like to give you my favorite memory of my days as a hapless young distributor/robot. It was 1982; I was 25 and clueless. My parents moved four years previously from suburban NYC to retire in the less taxed Virginia; my job choice required me to stay and play bachelor (I’d still be living at home if they’d stayed). And one day as paste-up artist for a quaint suburban pennysaver, I was sponsored into Amway. Specifically, a spin-off of the Dexter Yeager-Bill Britt branch. The most cultlike of them all.